1.
Gnats
are
just
mosquitoes
with
a
liberal
arts
degree【笑死我了】

2.
Procrastination
is
like
a
credit
card:
it's
a
lot
of
fun
until
you
get
the
bill. 【开心一夜】

3.
I
have
a
photographic
memory
but
no
film. 【消除疲劳】

4.
Did
you
hear
about
the
kidnapping
at
the
circus?
He
woke
up. 【愉悦每一天】

5.
I
don't
always
procrastinate,
but
when
I
do,
I
do
it
tomorrow. 【今晚有我陪伴】

6.
Why
don't
oysters
give
to
charity?
Because
they're
shellfish. 【开心点赞】

7.
If
at
first
you
don't
succeed,
redefine
success. 【让笑容绽放】

8.
I
used
to
be
indecisive,
but
now
I'm
not
sure. 【晚安甜梦】

9.
Why
did
the
chicken
cross
the
road?
To
get
to
the
other
side. 【放飞喜悦】

10.
I'm
not
arguing,
I'm
just
explaining
why
I'm
right. 【开心一天】

11.
I'm
not
lazy,
I'm
just
conserving
energy. 【开心放松】

1
2.
If
I
won
the
lottery,
I'd
probably
still
cook
my
own
dinner.
I'm
just
too
lazy
to
figure
out
how
the
maid
likes
her
steak. 【笑容加倍】

1
3.
I've
decided
I'm
not
old,
I'm
25
plus
shipping
and
handling. 【开心微笑】

1
4.
People
who
think
they
know
everything
are
a
great
annoyance
to
those
of
us
who
do. 【让笑声回响】

1
5.
I
asked
my
wife
what
she
wanted
for
her
birthday.
She
said,
"Nothing
would
make
me
happier
than
a
diamond
necklace. "
So
I
bought
her
nothing. 【今天你开心吗？】

1
6.
The
worst
thing
about
censorship
is
███████
【让内容更美好】

1
7.
I
have
a
lot
of
growing
up
to
do.
I
realized
that
the
other
day
inside
my
fort. 【享受生活】

1
8.
The
trouble
with
trouble
is,
it
starts
out
as
fun. 【开心不下线】

1
9.
Why
did
the
tomato
turn
red?
Because
it
saw
the
salad
dressing!【开心每时每刻】

20.
I
realized
I
was
dyslexic
when
I
went
to
a
toga
party
dressed
as
a
goat. 【早安阳光】